I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
smell my finger.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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