Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
