i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
