this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
