I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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