this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
