i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
