break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
