in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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