who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
