dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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