I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize