I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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