I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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