i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
