What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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