Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
