Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
