i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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