I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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