i think i have two assholes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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