i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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