??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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