The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
