my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
