Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
