I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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