Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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