My brain says no but my pants say off.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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