That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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