Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
