remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
