everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
