That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
