I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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