i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
