my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
