the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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