I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she pinky promised me she was 18
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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