Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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