the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize