I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
