the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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