Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the day after is always just damage control
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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