She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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