Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
