I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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