You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize