You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and she was petting her beer can
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
