sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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