Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
