I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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