Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
