Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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