you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
