didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
