his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
