I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
