Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
